Do You Have to Let it Linger?
by hyrew
Summary: Oneshot. Jeff has a secret that he's kept hidden from Nick the last five years for fear of his best friends reaction. What happens when he finally tells Nick? I suck as summaries, sorry...


(A.N:/ Alright, so after doing all those Niff!Fluff I feel like it's time to get back to what I do best. Niff!Angst. Ha, I'm very excited to get back into the genre! :D I'll probably be writing oneshots for a bit before I go back into multi-chapter fictions. Maybe not though…The title of is from the song "Linger" from The Cranberries. I was listening to a bunch of unrequited love songs and that lyric just kept coming back in my head for some reason (ha, most of my titles are lyrics from random songs…)So anyway, I hope you enjoy.)

Jeff nervously walked around the dorm that he and his best friend, Nick shared. Nick was currently in their shared bathroom showering. I need to tell him…I have to. Nick's been my best friend since I was two, he needs to know. He deserves to know that I'm in love with him….Even if he wont like me back…Jeff, don't talk like that! You don't know! You don't even know if he's straight…Either way, you need to tell him before he figures it out for himself! It was true. No one at Dalton knew Nick's sexuality. He never mentioned having a crush on anyone and no one asked him out of consideration. Everyone did, however, know about how a certain blond Junior was in love with the brunet. Everyone but the brunet himself that is.

Jeff was so lost in thought that he didn't notice the brunet walk out of the bathroom, a small towel loosely wrapped around his waist. It wasn't until Jeff felt a hand on his shoulder that he looked up. "Jeff?"

Jeff jerked his head up to look at Nick. "N-nick!" He said as his eyes unknowingly trailed down to the towel. A mili-second later Jeff realized what he was doing and looked away, mentally kicking himself. Dammit Jeff! Stop! Don't do that! What if he noticed! Jeff moved away quickly, making Nick's hand drop.

Luckily for Jeff Nick didn't notice. Nick frowned. "Are you alright Jeff?" The brunet said walking over to the blond.

Jeff sat down on his bed and Nick sat down beside him. Jeff didn't reply for a minute or so. "…Nick?" I'm going to do this. I'm going to tell Nick that…that I l-love him… It was hard for Jeff to even say in his thoughts. I'm going to tell him. He deserves to know.

Nick smiled at the blond. "Yeah Jeff?"

"I-I…There…" He didn't know what to say.

Nick's smile dropped and morphed into a concerned look. "Jeff, whatever it is I'm sure it'll be alright. You can tell me anything, remember?"

Jeff looked away from Nick. Never-mind. I can't do this. "I-I…I'm fine…just really tired."

Nick frowned. He knew jeff well enough to know when he was lying. He sighed and got up from the bed. "Well…If you do decide you want to talk about it, I'm right over on the other side of the room." He patted Jeff's back lightly before striding over to his side of the dorm, sitting down at his desk to start his homework.

a few moments later Jeff got up and went to his desk. He glanced behind him to make sure Nick wasn't looking before he pulled out his journal and began writing.

I don't know what to do. I chickened out. I was going to tell him…I started to even. Well, I kind of started to tell him…but then…I don't even know, I just couldn't speak suddenly. I couldn't find the right words, I don't even know if there are words that are right for this situation. How am I supposed to tell my best friend of fifteen years that I'm in love with him. Not that I love him, but that I LOVE him! How am I supposed to do that? It's not as simple as just telling him. I can't just go up to him and go 'Hey Nick, what's up? Oh, by the way not only am I gay but I've also been in love with you for five years.' It just isn't that simple, as much as I wish it was. He doesn't even know I'm gay! I don't really know how he hasn't figured that out yet either…God Nick, why are you the most oblivious person in the world!

I don't know what's worse, the fact that I've been pining over him for five years now…or that I've been keeping it from him for five years…Nick tells me everything…well, everything but his fucking sexuality! But still…I feel bad…like I'm lying to him every time I see him…I….I don't even know….

Everyone knows but Nick! Literally everyone! Even some of the teachers know! They have to! There's no way the sympathetic looks they give me when they see me eyeing Nick mean nothing or are just coincidences! Sometimes I can't help but think that he does know and that he just pretends like he doesn't…because he's ashamed of me…I don't know…I just don't fucking know!

"Jeff?"

Jeff jumped and whirled around to see Nick looking at him with a concerned face from across the room. "Y-yeah?"

"…You were just attacking that paper…and grumbling a lot…are you sure there isn't something you want to tell me?"

I love you.

"No."

Nick sighed, looking a little defeated. "O-oh…Alright." He turned back to his book and Jeff did the same, putting his journal back in it's hiding spot. A moment or two later Nick began speaking. "I know something is wrong."

You're just now starting to realize this!

"W-what? No there isn't…Nick, I'm fine. Like I said…I'm…tired."

Nick frowned. "And I'm tired of hearing you say you're just tired." Nick said, anger rising in his voice. "Why wont you tell me what's wrong! Is it something I did?"

You made me fall in love with you.

"There isn't anything wrong! Can…can you just drop it?"

Nick got up and walked towards the blond. "No! I wont drop it! I'm worried about you Jeff! We never keep secrets! I don't understand why you're starting to now!"

Starting to? Seriously now?

"I'm not keeping any secrets Nick! So just drop it!" Jeff said as he pushed Nick back and started to walk out of the dorm.

Nick ran out of the room, grabbed Jeff, and shoved him up against the wall in the hallway. "You aren't getting away that easy Jeff! Now tell me what the fuck is wrong! If it's something I did I'm sorry! Okay? If it isn't then I can help you. I want to help you! But you need to fucking talk to me!"

I love you.

"It isn't that easy!"

"Why not!" Nick yelled as some of the other students, came out of their dorms to see what all the commotion was about. Nick and Jeff were too much into their fighting that neither had even noticed the others.

I love you. That's all you have to say. Just say it. It's just three words. I. Love. You.

"It just isn't, okay!"

"No! It isn't 'okay'! You can trust me Jeff! Just tell me!"

I'm in love with you.

"Nick stop!"

"Not until you tell me what the Hell is going on with you Jeff!"

Kiss him. You could do it right now. He's only a few inches from your face. You wouldn't even have to say that you love him. Just kiss him, it's all you'd have to do. Simple as that.

"You're hurting me!" Jeff said as he tried to wiggle free from Nick's grip.

Nick tightened his grip. "Then just tell me! Please! I want to help!" Nick yelled as more people came out of their dorms.

Say it. Just say it.

"I-I…I can't…" Jeff said just above a whisper.

"Why the hell not Jeff!"

Because I'm in love with you.

"Because!"

"Because what!"

"Because I'm in love with you!" Jeff blurted out, immediately regretting what he just said. Tears started to sting his eyes, begging to be set free. There were gasps from the other students, more shocked that Jeff actually told Nick, then anything else. That was when Jeff realized that they weren't alone. Nick didn't seem to notice. He was too much in shock to really realize what was going on around them. Nick dropped his hands, letting Jeff go. Jeff was paralyzed. They both were.

"Y-you what?"

Jeff let a single tear go down his cheek as he whispered, "Please…don't make me say it again…"

"H-how long?"

"Nick…"

"How long!" Nick asked angrily.

Jeff looked around at the other students. Each one of them gave Jeff a sympathetic look. Jeff returned his eyes to the flow. "C-can we…can we talk about this somewhere else? Please…"

It was then when Nick became aware of the presence of the others. "Come on…" He said as he drug Jeff back to their room by his arm. When they were back in the room Nick spoke up again. "So how long?" He said a little calmer than he had been in the hallway.

"Nick…Do you really want to hear this? Once it's said it can't be undone…"

"I need to know…"

"…F-five years…"

"What?"

"Nick I'm so sorr-"

"So you've been lying to me for the last five years?" Nick said bitterly, cutting Jeff off mid-sentence.

"I couldn't tell you!"

"Why the Hell not!" Nick yelled, anger rising again.

"Because it would change everything! We've been best friends for fifteen years Nick! I didn't want to lose you…" Jeff couldn't control his tears any longer. He sat on his bed, bawling.

Nick frowned, all anger suddenly leaving him at the sight of his best friend crumbling to pieces. "Jeff…" He said as he put his hand on the blond's shoulder. "Don't cry…"

"Nicky, I'm so sorry." Jeff managed to say through his harsh sobs.

Nick's heart broke when he heard his old nickname. Jeff hadn't called him 'Nicky' since they were kids. "It's me who should be sorry…" Nick said, looking guilty.

Jeff looked up at the brunet in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I shouldn't have pushed you."

"You deserved to know."

"But you didn't deserve to be forced into telling me…"

"N-nick?"

"Yeah Jeff?"

"Just…just tell me…"

"Tell you what?"

"How you feel about me…I…I have to know." Jeff said, whispering the last part.

"Jeff…it isn't that easy…you know that I love you…but…not like you love me…Jeff, I'm…I'm so-"

"Don't. Please don't." Jeff said, starting to sob more.

"Jeff, I…" Nick stopped. He didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry." Jeff said as he began wiping away his tears, only to find more replacing them.

"For what?" Nick said as he rubbed Jeff's back soothingly.

"For…everything. For crying, for making you worry, for yelling at you, for lying to you, for…" He couldn't say it. Not again.

"It's alright Jeff. You did nothing wrong."

"Yes I did…you didn't even know I was gay Nick…I should have at least told you that much…"

"Jeff," Nick began, "I know we try to tell each other everything and keep no secrets…but we both still have our own secrets. Every one is entitled to one, right?"

Jeff sniffled. "What's your secret?"

"Jeff…I-I'm…gay…too…" Nick said awkwardly. "I didn't want to tell you because up until a few months ago I was ashamed. I was ashamed and embarrassed and I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable around me because you thought I was checking you out or something…"

Jeff suddenly began laughing, almost bitterly.

"…Jeff…"

"Sorry, no, I'm fine…It's just…you're gay…I spent the last five years wishing you would tell me…I had so many scenarios in my head with all sorts of different endings and twists. I-I…I just never pictured it being like this…"

"Like what?"

"You telling me you're gay right after I tell you that I…love…you…but only because we're sharing secrets…not because you…" Jeff trailed off.

"I do love you Jeff," Nick began, "But that's it. I just love you…I'm so sorry…"

"I know Nick."

"This wont change anything. We wont let this affect our friendship."

"Nick, we both know that it already has. Let's just stop kidding ourselves. I'll go talk to the Dean and see about getting a new room." Jeff said getting up and heading towards the door.

"You don't have to do that Jeff."

"Yes I do Nick."

"Jeff…"

"I…I'll see you around." And with that Jeff closed the door behind him, leaving Nick to feel guilty and alone.

(A.N:/ Jeez! I'm so used to writing drabbles that this took me forever to write! And it isn't nearly as depressing and angsty as I had hoped for. :/ Hopefully I'll get back into the swing soon…Anyway, I hoped you enjoyed! :] XOXO)


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